Undesireable #1

I recently read that the Masters Degree is the new Bachelors Degree, that anything less won't make the cut. A lovely little factoid, isn't it? Something to mull over while you can't sleep after the stress and anxiety has kicked in.

I am a girl that has always sworn by my New York driver's license, that I will never leave the city, that I couldn't live outside of the five boroughs. And yet I have found that I am now in a desperate need for a change of pace. I need a break. If I could, I would just pack my bags and move back to Europe - live for a while in a completely different place, get my feet wet again.

I have never seriously considered doing something other than writing since I started college. Not ever. Not in a million years. And now that I am out of school, now that I am ready to put my degree to work, the only thing that I can think to do is anything but. I am now kicking myself for not being practical, for not getting that degree in International Affairs or Politics. Maybe then I'd have a job doing something that matters. Maybe then I would be making a difference. Maybe then I would be changing someone's life.

Maybe I'm just losing it.

E

I Hate Vacations

No, I do. I really, truly do. They tease you with their fancy hotels and expensive champagne, and then - BAM! One week later you are sitting on a cross-country red-eye filled with annoying kids and reruns of Lock Up Raw. You've guessed it! I've just come home from an amazing (all expenses paid!!) trip to California, only to be stabbed by the cold knife of reality.

Now that I am back in New York, I am only reminded of the stressors that I have to face: the heat wave, contest deadlines, bills, and my never-ending job search. Meanwhile, I am doing all of this with jet lag. Gone, are my blissful memories of walking along the cost of Sausalito and sipping champagne cocktails at The Fairmont; all that remains are my unpacked bags and the awkward tan lines on my chest.

The oddity of it all comes from the fact that - despite working on a deadline - I was never stressed on my trip, not once. I never thought about the jobs I should be applying for or the draft of the script that I need to edit. I only focused on myself. And it was amazing. Is there a way to take that type of peace with you when you leave? Because I sure as hell want to.


E